Enigma: noun \i-ˈnig-mə, e-\ 1. A person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand. 2. A riddle or paradox.

I’ve read a lot of blogs and they all start out the same way.  Usually the person begins by stating that this is their first attempt at writing a blog, they were born in _____, and that their favorite color is x, y, or z.  While I’d be more than happy to tell you those answers (first-timer here too, Charlotte, and yellow of course!) my goal isn’t to necessarily tell you about myself, but to share with you the events and adventures in my life that define me.

The best advice I ever received was from my best friend during a coffee date that was probably too far and few between during our college days in Chapel Hill. I can’t exactly tell you what directed our conversation that day, but more than likely it started with the typical sequence of questions: how are classes going? how’s work? how’s the fam doing? what’s important to you these days? where are you going in life? and finally the kicker of them all: why? Although the initial line of questions was always an easily scripted response, the latter proved to be more difficult: Why?  I’ve never known a 3-letter word to ever hit so close to home.  

For much of my life I’ve known myself to be much different than the rest of the world. Every time I’ve always concocted a grand idea in life I’ve always been met with the rebuttle ‘why’…

Steph: I want to travel.

Homeless man on Franklin: Why? You could just stay here and make money

Steph: I want to go to nursing school.

Dr.Shuster academic advisor: Why? Are you sure? You don’t exactly have the best grades.

Steph: I want to change the world.

An anonymous friend of mine: Why? You’re only one person

Steph:  I want to understand myself someday.

Anthony: Why? Steph, you’re an enigma.

Although however goal-oriented and directional the first few may seem I think it’s the last that has proved to be most influential in my life. For much of my life, I’ve sought to understand myself and why I was so different from mainstream society. With time I’ve found the key is in embracing those differences.  My mom calls it being “cursed with a good heart”.  My friend Phyllis will tell you it’s just being unafraid to live up to your potential.  If you ask the 23-year old version of myself it’ll say it’s being a little selfish and chasing your own dreams. Whatever you call it I respect that but if you ask me, everyone should dare to change their world at least once.

As I sit here tonight I think of all the ‘whys’ I will soon ask myself on this journey I’m about to embark on.  I wonder what it’ll be like to spend 27 days in 5 different countries.  I wonder what I’ll learn. I wonder what trains we will miss, what stories we’ll come back with and in what country will I wind up seeking medical attention (c’mon guys, we all know it’s bound to happen!). I wonder what it’ll be like living out of a backpack.  I wonder what food I’ll like the best. I wonder how I’ll change.

As I get ready to head out, I think I have found that if there’s anything I’ve learned in my life it’s important that you know that I will never change. But I’ll never stay the same either. I am an enigma.

Catch you guys later!